The Anatomy of Heresy, Part Three

Over the past couple of weeks, we have been discussing the issue of heresy as a work of the flesh. Before leaving this subject, there are a couple more issues that merit discussion. Last week, we saw in I Corinthians 11:19 that heresies would not only be prevalent but also were necessary for manifesting the approved of God within a local church.

In II Timothy, one can observe the extensive impact that the proliferation of heresies had upon the preaching of the word of God rightly divided. At the end of his life and ministry Paul wrote, "This thou knowest, that all they which are in Asia be turned away from me; of whom are Phygellus and Hermogenes."(1) The apostasy and departure from the truth was in full effect while Paul was still alive. When one considers the churches that Paul either personally established or instructed in the region of Asia (Derbe, Lystra, Iconium, Antioch, Ephesus, and Colossae), his statement in II Timothy 1:15 demonstrates how quickly heresy can spread.

II Timothy 4:3 offers further insight into the mindset of those who would teach and give ear to heresy. Paul states, "For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears." Thus far, we have Biblically defined heresy as the teaching of false doctrine with the goal of establishing a personal following of disciples. II Timothy 4:3 is important to our discussion for two reasons. First, it tells us that heresy cannot exist without people who are willing to listen to false doctrine. Second, it demonstrates that those who heap teachers unto themselves "having itching ears" are motivated by their own lusts, thereby clearly associating heresy in either the mind of the teacher or the hearer with the work of the flesh. In short, heretics cannot prosper without an audience of willing participants. The end result, of heresy is clearly stated in II Timothy 4:4: "And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables." People are turned away from the truth through the telling of stories, which constitutes the bulk of modern preaching.

One thing is clear from the verses we have looked at over the past few weeks. Heresy finds its roots in the flesh's desire for importance and prominence. During the course of preparing these blog entries on The Anatomy of Heresy, I have been forced to evaluate my own ministry motives. Frankly, why do I write this blog? Am I writing it as a means of promoting my own abilities and advancing my own standing within the greater group of mid-Acts teachers? I would like to think I write to advance the truth in some fashion by clearly articulating in written form the precepts of the mid-Acts position. Personally, this study was a wake up call to constantly evaluate my motives for ministry. Paul writes the following in Galatians 1:10, "For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ." As soon as we find ourselves being motivated by a desire for the praise and adulation of men we are on the brink of heresy.

A few years ago, a respected older pastor shared with me his belief that every preacher needs to be aware that his flesh based ego desires attention and adulation. According to this brother, our pastoral ego is what drives us to stand up and publicly teach the word of God. As a young minister, I know this is true. I have a burning desire to be the best teacher of God's word that I can be. I want, "all men to be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth." I want to teach the scriptures clearly and powerfully. Here-in lies the danger of heresy as one of the works of the flesh. Jeremiah 17:9 teaches, "The heart is deceitful above all things and desperate wicked who can know it." The flesh has the capability to deceive the minister as to the purity of his own motives. At one point in my study on this subject, I actually considered the possibility that I needed to leave the ministry because I was continuously being motivated by the flesh. Then it occurred to me that the adversary would like nothing more than to silence me as a minister of God's word rightly divided. The bottom line is this: we all need to be skeptical of our own motives and seek to continually realign ourselves with God's word, according to Romans 12:2.

I worry sometimes that we have created a culture that is destroying the greater mid-Acts community of believers from within. I fully support the continued study of the Scriptures with the goal of recovering further truth and insight into the word rightly divided. However, I fear a situation has developed where some jockey for position and influence by striving to demonstrate either their deep understanding as evidenced by some great new truth or their preaching prowess. If honesty is the order of the day, I have found myself being pulled in this direction on multiple occasions. If personal advancement in the mid-Acts community depends on being perceived as weightier in word and doctrine than someone else, then we have created a breeding ground for heresy since the flesh will always desire a greater position of prestige than the one it currently possesses.

Another work of the flesh identified by Paul in Galatians 5:20 is emulation. According to Webster's 1828 Dictionary, emulation means:

The act of attempting to equal or excel in qualities or actions; rivalry; desire of superiority, attended with effort to attain to it; generally in a good sense, or an attempt to equal or excel others in that which is praise-worthy, without the desire of depressing others. Rom.11. In a bad sense, a striving to equal or do more than others to obtain carnal favors or honors.

1. An ardor kindled by the praise-worthy examples of others, inciting to imitate them, or to equal or excel them.
   
2. Contest; contention; strife; competition; rivalry accompanied with a desire of depressing another.
   

Since Paul is discussing the works of the flesh in this passage, he clearly has the negative aspect of this definition in mind. When preachers strive to out perform their colleagues with the goal of obtaining carnal favors and honor, heresy is lying in wait.

While some might not like my candor on this subject, I feel it is accurate. While calling out people individually may not be productive, we need to have an honest understanding of the forces at work within our midst. Incidentally, many of my friends in the ministry have echoed many of the sentiments discussed in this posting. As ministers of the gospel of the grace of God, we need to walk in the spirit so that we do not fulfill the lusts of the flesh. In the end we must always remember, "but we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us."(2)

Endnotes:

1. II Timothy 1:15
   
2. II Corinthians 4:7
   

The Anatomy of Heresy, Part Two

Having observed last week that heresy is one of the works of flesh it behooves all Bible believers, teachers, and preachers to acknowledge that all of us are only a couple fleshly decisions away from heresy at all times. As we saw last week, the Biblical definition of heresy is multifaceted, consisting of both false beliefs (doctrines) and their propagation with the intention of removing disciples away after oneself. Having its root in our natural flesh programming, heresy has the potential to be just as common as hatred, strife, wrath, or envy in the believer's life. Consequently, heresy is not something that we should view as a rarity. In contrast, we should acknowledge heresy as an ever present threat to any community of believers.

The Apostle Paul instructed the Corinthians that heresy would continually be present within their midst. Paul penned the following in I Corinthians 11:19, "For there must be also
heresies among you, that they which are approved may be made manifest among you." Not only does Paul speak to the common frequency of heresies within their assembly, he also teaches that their very presence would be an opportunity for the Corinthians to see who was approved and who was not. We learn two things from this verse. First, heresy, as a work of the flesh, would be both common and necessary. Second, the reason heresies are necessary is because without them it is difficult for believers to know who is approved and who is not.

Moreover, it is interesting to connect the word "approved" in I Corinthians 11:19 with the word "approved" in II Timothy 2:15. This connection between heresy and who the approved of God are must not be overlooked. II Timothy 2:15 states, "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." The approved of God do not need to be ashamed because they rightly divide the word of truth in their study. In short, the approved of God are workman who have no reason to be ashamed because of how they approach the study of God's word.

By comparing I Corinthians 11:19 with II Timothy 2:15, important conclusions about the anatomy of heresy emerge. First, the presence of heresies in a local church is common because it is a work of the flesh. Second, the existence of heresy is necessary because it serves as an occasion for the approved of God to be made manifest to an assembly. Third, the approved of God are those who rightly divide the word of truth and are thereby able to answer the heretical teaching. Therefore, heresy in Paul's view is any doctrine that is contrary to the word rightly divided.

This is clearly demonstrated by considering the context of II Timothy. Immediately following Paul's admonition to rightly divide the word of truth, Timothy is instructed to ". . . shun profane and vain babblings: for they will increase unto more ungodliness."(1) Timothy is given the same instructions that the Ephesians elders were in Acts 20, namely, not to listen to those speaking profane, vain, or perverse things. In II Timothy 2:17, Paul identifies Hymenaeus and Philetus as the source of these profane and vain babblings and compares the effect of their teaching to that of a canker. According to Webster's 1828 Dictionary a canker is "a virulent, corroding ulcer; or any thing that corrodes, corrupts or destroys. Sacrilege may prove an eating canker." Paul compares heresy to having a corrosive disease that eats away the very structures of ones faith.

Verse eighteen identities the specific details of the heresy being promoted by Hymenaeus and Philetus. These men were teaching that "the resurrection is past already." Herein we see the first component of heresy according to our working definition, the false belief that the resurrection had already occurred. Furthermore, it is clear that these men fulfill the second part of our definition by seeking to draw away disciples after themselves. This is obvious because they publicly promoted their error to the extent that they overthrew the faith of some.

How does one combat destructive doctrinal errors of this nature? The answer is clear, by rightly dividing the word of truth. Who rightly divides the word of truth? Approved workmen who need not to be ashamed. Why must there be heresies according to I Corinthians 11:19? So that "they who are approved might be made manifest". Once again, Paul's definition of heresy is any doctrine that subverts the word of God rightly divided. Likewise, only the rightly divided word can demonstrate the spurious nature of heretical beliefs and motives.

Heresy is not something that was determined by church councils or the Roman Catholic Inquisition. We need to remember that Paul wrote writing his epistles and identified heretics in the middle of the 1^st century, over one hundred years before the organized church identified any of the traditional heresies associated with the Christian faith. Therefore, we should not allow church tradition to form our definition of heresy. Furthermore, while believers are admonished to instruct those who oppose themselves in meekness "that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will,"(2) heresies are not to be tolerated indefinitely. Titus 3:10 states, "A man that is an heretick after the first and second admonition reject." After two unsuccessful attempts to share the truth with those who hold spurious views, Paul teaches that they are to be rejected, marked (identified as in the case of Hymenaeus and Philetus), and avoided.(3)

Simply stated, a heretic is one who believes and promotes heresy. A short investigation into the word heretic in Titus 3:10 yields important insight into the behavior and motives of heretics. According to Strong's Concordance, a heretick is defined as one who is schismatic, factious, or a follower of a false doctrine. Websters's 1828 Dictionary defines someone who is factious as being:

1) Given to faction; addicted to form parties and raise dissensions, in opposition to government; turbulent; prone to clamor against public measures of men. No state is free from factious citizens.

2) Pertaining to faction; proceeding from faction; as factious tumults; factious quarrels.

Recalling from last week the relationship between heresy and the formation of sects, one should not be surprised to learn that a heretic is given to faction and dissention since that is fundamentally what they are attempting to do. Heretics seek to cause division by rallying people to their cause in support of false beliefs. In addition, they vehemently attack those with whom they disagree. In doing so, they also demonstrate numerous other works of the flesh identified in Galatians, namely variance, strife, and seditions.

Stay tuned next week for more on this topic.

Endnotes:

1. II Timothy 2:16
   
2. II Timothy 2:26
   
3. Romans 16:17

The Shroud of Turin: Real or Hoax

The week before Easter the History Channel aired the following two hour documentary on the Shroud of Turin called, The Real Face of Jesus. Experts in computer graphics have created a computer generated likeness of the image found on the Shroud. While I do not need the Shroud to be authentic to believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ, I found this program to be fascinating. Not only is this the most fair minded "Christian" documentary I have seen the History Channel produce, but it also makes a compelling argument for the authenticity of the Shroud. I encourage everyone to view the following segments without commerical interruption and decide for yourself if the Shroud is the burial cloth of our Lord. Be sure to read my comments at the end.



















I Corinthians 15:3-4 states, "For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; And that he was buried, and that he rose again, the third day according the to the scriptures." As I said before, I believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ because the scriptures say that he rose again on the third day. In short, I believe that the Bible is more sure than anything we can experience through our fives senses. Having been an eyewitness to the majesty of Christ, in addition to hearing the voice of God the Father at the mount of transfiguration, Peter states that he has more faith in God's written word than in what he saw and heard (II Peter 1:16-19).

Is the Shroud real? In the end I don't know, nor does it ultimately matter, because there is enough other evidence for the empty tomb. According to noted Christian Apologist, Norman Geisler the Apologetic value of the Shroud is limited. Geisler states, "As far as the apologetic value of the Shroud, the matter of its authenticity is not really relevant. All the essential evidence to defend Christanity is in fact apart fromt he Shroud. It it is authentic, it provides no essential evidence for Christ's death and resurrection that we do not already possess elsewhere. And if it not authentic, then we risk using a bad argument for a good cause and loose credibility for Christian apologetics. . . The miracles of Jesus confirm that he is the Son of God. Both Jesus and supernatural prophecy are sufficient to support the claim that the Bible is the Word of God. No other evidence is needed. Christanity does not stand or fall in any sense on the question of the authenticity of the Shroud of Turin. (Baker Encycyopedia of Christian Apologetics, 706)"

Any thoughts?

The Anatomy of Heresy, Part One

The Apostle Paul writes the following in I Timothy 4:1-2, “Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; 2) Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron.” While one cannot know for sure whether we are living in the last days of the dispensation of grace, it is clear that the incidence of believers departing the faith has increased in recent days. Regardless of the issue- the, house church, annihilationism, universalism, timing of the rapture, titles for leadership in the local church, or the out right abandonment of dispensational truth for covenant theology - the cause of all departures from the faith is the same, i.e. the work of the flesh.

Paul teaches, in Galatians 5:19-21 that all heresies stem from the work of the flesh:

19) Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery,
fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20) Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred,
variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21) Envyings,
murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before,
as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not
inherit the kingdom of God.

Strong’s Concordance offers the following definition of the Greek word translated heresies in Galatians 5:20: “a body of men following their own tenets, or dissensions arising from diversity of opinions and aims.” The Greek word “hairesis” is found nine times in nine verses in the King James Bible, of which five times it is rendered “sect” in English:

• Acts 5:17—Then the high priest rose up, and all they that were with him, (which is the sect of the Sadducees,) and were filled with indignation,
• Acts 15:5—But there rose up certain of the sect of the Pharisees which believed, saying, That it was needful to circumcise them, and to command them to keep the law of Moses.
• Acts 24:5—For we have found this man a pestilent fellow, and a mover of sedition among all the Jews throughout the world, and a ringleader of the sect of the Nazarenes:
• Acts 26:5—Which knew me from the beginning, if they would testify, that after the most straitest sect of our religion I lived a Pharisee.
• Acts 28:22—But we desire to hear of thee what thou thinkest: for as concerning this sect, we know that every where it is spoken against.

The word “sect,” according to Webster’s 1828 Dictionary, carries the following meaning:

A body or number of persons united in tenets, chiefly in philosophy or religion,
but constituting a distinct party by holding sentiments different from those of
other men. Most sects have originated in a particular purloin, who taught and
propagated some peculiar notions in philosophy or religion, and who is
considered to have been its founder. Among the Jews, the principal sects were
the Pharisees, Sadducees, and Essenes. In Greece were the Cynic sect, founded by
Antisthenes; and the Academic sect, by Plato. The Academic sect gave birth to
the Peripatetic, and a Cynic to the Stoic.

In addition, to its usage in Galatians 5:21, the remaining three occurrences of the Greek word “hairesis” are translated as heresies or heresy by the King James translators:

• Acts 24:14—But this I confess unto thee, that after the way which they call heresy, so worship I the God of my fathers, believing all things which are written in the law and in the prophets:
• I Corinthians 11:19—For there must be also heresies among you, that they which are approved may be made manifest among you.
• II Peter 2:1—But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction.

Heresy, according to Webster’s 1828 Dictionary, is “a fundamental error in religion, or an error of opinion respecting some fundamental doctrine of religion.” Consequently, according to the Bible, fundamental errors in religious thought or belief (heresies) lead to the establishment of sects which are characterized by shared tenants of false doctrine. As a result, it seems to follow that heresies are the intellectual foundation for sects.

The sect of the Sadducees identified in Acts 5:17 stands out as a clear Biblical example of the connection between heresies and sects. It has often been said that the Sadducees were “sad you see” because they denied the resurrection of the dead. Luke 20:27 states, “Then came to him certain of the Sadducees, which deny that there is any resurrection; and they asked him.” The heretical beliefs of the Sadducees centered around their denial of resurrection. This constitutes their fundamental error in religious belief and doctrine. Unfortunately, this error was widespread as there was an entire faction or sect within Israel’s leadership that held this heretical view. Since all heresies are the work of the flesh according to Paul, it is imperative to realize that pride or the possibility of self advancement motivates those who hold spurious doctrines to promote their views in an attempt to draw away disciples unto themselves, thus forming sects.

This pattern mirrors Paul’s warning to the Ephesians elders in Acts 20:28-30:

28) Take heed therefore unto yourselves, and to all the flock, over the which
the Holy Ghost hath made you overseers, to feed the church of God, which he hath
purchased with his own blood.
29) For I know this, that after my departing
shall grievous wolves enter in among you, not sparing the flock.
30) Also of
your own selves shall men arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away
disciples after them.

Paul issues two warnings in this passage. First, in verse twenty-nine, he cautions these overseers about outsiders seeking to enter their midst seeking to sow discord and confusion amongst the brethren. Second, in verse thirty, he warns about men from within their own assembly that would arise speaking untruth in an attempt to create their own personal following. Sects are formed as men are drawn away from the truth by those speaking perverse things, i.e. heresies. After Paul left the region of Galatia, the Judaizers came in and sought to bring them back under the bondage of the law. In Galatians 4:17, Paul reveals the true motives of these people when he writes, “They zealously affect you, but not well; yea, they would exclude you, that ye might affect them.” It seems that the fleshly desire for disciples is one of the main motivators for those who would teach heresy.

It is fascinating to consider how all those who depart the truth of God’s word rightly divided find it necessary to berate and disparage those who hold the mid-Acts position. For many mid-Acts dispensationalists who depart the faith, the entire focus of their ministry becomes to assassinate the character and beliefs of their former allies as they actively promote the scriptural authority of their new found system of belief. Under the guise of demonstrating the error of their former theological system, they activity promote their new paradigm in an attempt to rescue the deceived from error. What is the primary force motivating this type of behavior? It is the flesh’s desire for importance and significance. Paul makes it clear that the main goal of false teachers is to draw away disciples unto themselves.

Historically, those who have entered into heresy may have been convinced they were correct or more accurately articulating the precepts of the faith. In theory, one does not believe something unless there is good reason for doing so. For example, I have often been accused of believing I am right on a particular issue. To which I offer the following rebuttal, “Duh, I would not believe something if I thought it was wrong.” In reality, since no one is omniscient or infallible we all possess thoughts about scripture that are not correct. This mere fact alone does not make someone a heretic. Over the past ten years, I have changed my position on many issues that I had taught publically. This past Sunday I used the word vicarious when I meant to say precarious which changed the meaning of what I was saying. If that makes me a heretic, then every preacher who has ever misspoke, mispronounced a word, or later changed his mind must also be branded a heretic.

So then, what makes someone a heretic? First, they must hold some doctrinal belief or position that is contrary to the clear teachings of God’s word rightly divided. Notice that scripture is the final authority in this case and not the church. On occasion, I have been uncomfortable with my mid-Acts brethren who cite “the collective wisdom of the group” as justification for a particular doctrinal position. Let me be clear lest I be misunderstood. We ought to hold those who have long labored on behalf of the truth in high regard. I respect the views of my co-laborers in the ministry and would have to seriously and prayerfully consider any grave points of doctrinal divergence. However, group think cannot replace scripture as our final authority. In the end, every man is accountable to the word of God and his own conscience.

Having established that we all hold beliefs that may not be correct, what makes someone a heretic? Biblically, it seems that heretics not only hold spurious beliefs but actively promote those beliefs with the goal of establishing followers. One betrays their motives when they depart one doctrinal position only to begin ordaining men in a new one. In such cases, truth was never the motivator for personal action: personal position, prestige, and adulation were.

Stay tuned next week for part two.

Parenting by the Principles of Grace, Part Three

The Three Needs of Every Child

What is the goal of grace-based parenting? Scores of parenting books line the shelves at Christian book stores all claiming to offer new insight and practical tips. When we shut out all the noise, and use our own relationship with Christ as the model for how we should parent our own children, three core issues emerge. Above all else our kids have three basic needs: 1) a secure love, 2) a significant purpose, 3) a strong hope. These three needs summarize what God the father freely provides each believer the moment they place their faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ. As members of the body of Christ we have been forgiven and made accepted in the beloved (secure love), ambassadors in Christ's stead (significant purpose), and given a blessed hope (strong hope). It thrills my heart that my boys fundamentally need the same things I do and that the grace message I hold so dear meets all these needs in abundance. As parents, our job is to communicate, live, and demonstrate the doctrines of the Grace Life to our children.

A Secure Love

"At the core of grace is love—a love that delights in us in spite of our sin and comes to us free of charge."(1) In Romans 5:8, Paul offers perhaps the greatest expression of this type of love, "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." The cross is the greatest expression of God's love for humanity. When we were dead in trespasses and sins, God loved us enough to send his son to die on our behalf so that we could be reconciled to God.(2) Furthermore, the gospel of grace teaches that salvation is a nonmeritorious gift bestowed freely upon the sinner through simple faith in the shed blood of Jesus Christ.(3)

If God loved us enough to die in our stead when we were yet sinners, how much more does God love us now that we have been saved?(4) Ephesians 1:6 states, "To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved." Having been given redemption and the forgiveness of sins based upon Christ's work on our behalf, believers are at peace with God,(5) sealed with the holy spirit of promise,(6) adopted into the family of God as adult sons,(7) and seated with Christ in the heavenly places.(8) Does that sound like a secure love to you? Romans 8:35-39 confirms the security of God's love for us:

35) Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

36) As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

37) Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

38) For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

39) Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Consequently, when we sin, we don't fall out of grace rather we fall into grace--"where sin did abound grace did much more abound."(9) Only in Christ can the deepest longing of our soul for unconditional love and acceptance be totally, completely, and continually meet.

This is the steady and sure love that needs to be written on the hard drive of our children's souls.(10) This is the kind of love that will confidently carry our children into the future and successfully defend their hearts when they are under attack. We all know there is a difference between desiring to love our children and actually loving them in such a fashion that they develop a secure love. In Ephesians 5:25, Paul offers Christ's sacrificial love for the church as a picture of the love a husband ought to have for his wife. Likewise, the secure love we possess in Jesus Christ is the same love we need to communicate to our children.

Incomplete Love

My wife constantly reminds me that the decisions I make demonstrate what is really important to me. Our kids are perceptive little people. They intuitively know when they are being dismissed or demoted on our priority list. In Grace-Based Parenting, Tim Kimmel acknowledges that the love we communicate to our children is often incomplete when they feel they constantly have to compete for it.(11) Kimmel writes, "We tell them we love them and then they watch us make decisions regarding careers, our friends, or our pastimes that directly undermined our ability to invest the time in them that love requires."(12) To be clear, working and paying the bills is part of the Pauline parenting paradigm:

• I Timothy 5:8—But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
  
• II Thessalonians 3:10—For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.
  

Most children understand that work is necessary for the well being of the family. However, they also know when we make deliberate choices to take something from them that they vitally need so we can enhance our careers. When parents make selfish choices, they communicate an insecure love to their children. While children may not question that we love them, they simply feel like we love other things more.(13)

There is a second way that parents communicate incomplete love to children according to Tim Kimmel. Our parental love is incomplete and violates the principles of grace when we make our kids feel like they have to earn it.(14) "They figure out that they receive praise and pride when they do things that make us look good or make our jobs as parents easier. These are kids, who have to process a lot of guilt before they can find approval."(15) Does this sound like the unconditional love and acceptance we enjoy in Jesus Christ described above? As parents we need to remember that any time we find ourselves operating on the basis of a system of performance-based acceptance, God the Holy Spirit is not leading us to function in that fashion. Galatians 5:18 makes this vividly clear, "But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law."

Definition of Love

Without launching into a lengthy dissertation on the various Greek words that are translated charity or love in the King James Bible, most believers know that love is not primarily a feeling but a choice. As Christ faced the cross on the eve of his crucifixion, it was not warm romantic feelings that compelled him to willingly be tortured and die on our behalf. Rather, it was a love that chose to be submissive to the will of the father. In the late 1970s Christian musician Don Francisco sang "love is not a feeling it's an act of your will."

Accordingly, Tim Kimmel offers the following definition of love in Grace-Based Parenting:

Love is the commitment of my will

to your needs and best interests,

regardless of the cost.

Line one expresses the reality that doing what is loving often does not come naturally. We must muster the strength to place our feelings in check and make decisions based upon the commitments we have made before God and to our families. The Apostle Paul touches upon the reality of line two in Galatians 5:13, "For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another." The liberty grace has provided sets us free to serve others before ourselves. "Love see our needs as a "B" priority compared with the interests of the person we are called to love . . . Love is about meeting their actual needs, not their selfish needs."(16) Consequently, we are not demonstrating love when we indulge our children in what they want or when we attempt to circumvent the consequences of sin in their lives. Lastly, secure love acknowledges that loving someone is often inconvenient and painful. Loving our kids costs money, time, sleep, and often careers. Christ's love for us cost him his own life and stands out as the ultimate expression of the cost of providing a secure love.

Practical Tips for Making Love Secure

"We've got to love them (our kids) in the way that God loves us—when they're unappreciative, when they don't deserve it, when it's inconvenient, when it is costly to us, even when it's painful." The following three statements when administered consistently build an authentic secure love in the hearts of our children that will help stabilize them into adulthood: 1) children feel secure when they know they are accepted as they are, 2) children feel secure when they know they are affiliated with a loving and honoring family 3) children feel secure love when they receive regular and generous helpings of affection.

While points two and three seem like no brainers, point one requires further explanation. To be clear, because our children are born sinners in Adam, there are many thoughts and attitudes our kids possess that we do not have to accept. "Selfishness, disrespect, deceit, and any other sinful action do not have to be condoned or tolerated." However, when I speak of acceptance, I am talking about those things that are part of our children's personal makeup. "These are the unique things that make them individuals—the emotional, intellectual, and physical DNA. These are also the things that have no moral problems affixed to them. Many of our kids do things that annoy, frustrate, or embarrass us but they are not wrong. Every time we point these things out, we tell them that they don't measure up. This builds insecurity in them."(17) Kimmel writes the following to illustrate his point:

Boys are often berated because they are noisy, messy, or aggressive. Girls are often criticized for being too emotional, picky, or overly sensitive. Some kids are criticized for being slow, forgetful, or inquisitive, or for saying whatever pops into their heads. They have a hard time getting up, struggle in certain subjects in school, and are often taunted regarding physical features like eyes, nose, teeth, neck, knees, feet, voice, hair texture, or their completion.

Boys are criticized for liking girls; girls are criticized for liking boys. Some boys don't like sports. Some girls don't like to play house. Teenagers need more sleep . . . Kids go through awkward times where they don't' think they're attractive, smart, or interesting.(18)

As parents we need to be communicating nothing but acceptance for the unique characteristics of our children. Under grace, God accepts all of our uniqueness without requiring us to conform to some arbitrary standard, parents should follow suit with our own kids. When parents treat their children in same way God treats, us we demonstrate in real terms the acceptance God for all of our unique characteristics.

Endnotes:

1. Tim Kimmel. Grace-Based Parenting. (Nashville, TN: W Publishing Group, 2004), 46.
   
2. Romans 5:10
   
3. Ephesians 2:8-9
   
4. Romans 5:9
   
5. Romans 5:1
   
6. Ephesians 4:30
   
7. Galatians 4:5, Romans 8:14-17
   
8. Ephesians 2:6
   
9. Romans 5:20
   
10. Kimmel. Grace-Based Parenting. 46.
    
11. Ibid., 49.
    
12. Ibid., 49.
    
13. Ibid., 50.
    
14. Ibid., 51.
    
15. Ibid., 51.
    
16. Ibid., 52.
    
17. Ibid., 55.
    
18. Ibid., 55